I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
