She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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