And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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