Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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