i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
