Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
