I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
