I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
