I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
