If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
