Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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