3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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