How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
