remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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