I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
