Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
