i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
