I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
