no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
