just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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