please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
