k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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