how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
