i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
