people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
