You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
