Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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