So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
