I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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