i permit you to call me
I just cut my nipple shaving
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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