I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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