she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
