what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
