Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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