She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
