you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
