ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
