you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As shirtless as possible
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
