something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
