I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
