I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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