he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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