Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
40s are totally the cure
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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