you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
