if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
