I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
