He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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