What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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