Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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