I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
