I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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