Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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