My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
