I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
