Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
