What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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