he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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