google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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