Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
