think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
