Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
