Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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