Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
