At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
