That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
