It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
