Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
