Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old

(503): View more from Oregon

You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.

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(909): View more from California

WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN

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(703): View more from Virginia

Too much gin, very little bucket

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(815): View more from Illinois

I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

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(979): View more from Texas

She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.

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(805): View more from California

Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.

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(302): View more from Delaware

She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.

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(770): View more from Georgia

You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.

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