I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
