Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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