textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
