That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
