Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize