So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
