Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
