sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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