Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
