So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize