Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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