I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
