Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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