I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
