just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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