This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
