using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
