OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
