three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
