for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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