hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize