Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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