I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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