you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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