There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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