Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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