Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
