I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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