If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
