the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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