This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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