i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
