dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
