dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
